Sunday, 21 August 2016

Do I still believe in happily ever after?

I used to believe in this fully, as I am a writer and a romantic.   This also felt like the case when I met a young man over 16 years ago on a cold and frosty evening, I thought I had finally found it, my true love and soulmate.

Then I realised real life isn't like in the stories I read or have written.  After a number of years together, we began to have problems.  Some of those times had been very hard and I would cry every night but get up in the morning put on a happy face for our son and the world and carry on.  Don’t get me wrong, we did have a lot of fantastic years which I don’t regret and we have a wonderful son.  But in those hard times there had been moments when I just wanted out, but just couldn’t do that to our son and really wanted the marriage to work. Then my world was totally shattered, and with all the other problems over the last few years my heart just couldn’t take anymore.  I knew after writing about them for years, what a broken heart really felt like. 

So what do you do?  Do you call it a day or hide your head in the sand?  Well I did hide my head in the sand for a long time, and tried to keep busy, yet after having been beyond consolable with tears, loosing a lot of weight, and both of us no longer happy.  We both knew we just had to move on, what we had had gone and we would never get that back.  I may no longer love him as a husband or lover, but we still have a bond, we were together 16 years and he is the father to our son and he will always be in my life because of it.

Now we are no longer married and I feel relief in that respect, I can get my life back on track. I know I still have moments when I cry, but over the months this has become less and less, and my heart no longer hurts.  I am hoping that we can still be friends, as we will be in each other lives due to our son.  And we both want the best for each other, its just what we had just didn't work.

Yet I know that this isn’t it for me, that there will be someone else who I hope will let me love them with all my heart.  And maybe there is still that happy ever after, just not with the person I had thought.  I look at my parents, they have been together for many years and have made it through hard times and are enjoying retirement together.  Yet I know now not all couples have this.  Maybe he wasn’t my soulmate, maybe that person is still out there and will meet him one day, or maybe you have more than one soulmate in your life time, I don’t know.  All I do know is I am looking forward to the next part of my life and hope to meet that someone who gets me.  Someone, who will be there for me, and when I find him, I won’t rush it, but take it steady and hopefully have a happy life once more.

One thing I have to say through all of this, is thank you to my friends and parents, as if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have made it.  And also a thank you to the one person who seems to get me, thanks for the messages everyday you have no idea how much they mean to me and how they have given me hope.

Thank you

So do I still believe in happily ever after?  I think I do.